An uber secret, Heart Burn, and random txt's

I don't "blog" in the typical sense. I usually wait until something exciting happens (which doesn't take long) and then form a prolific essay type blog that gets posted to my myspace (and now this glorious site-that I hope has spell check and it does..yesss). Then I wait for the 7 people who follow my blog to read it and comment on it thusley validating myself while building my self esteem. However, I have decided that I'm going to try a different approach. I'm going to try giving high lites of my days because honestly they are pretty f'ing random and saving the the essay type blogs for the really big and crazy stuff that seems to happen on a pretty regular bases. So here we go

First...I have a HUGE OUTSTANDING secret, which unfortunately I can't tell you. But trust me, it is wondrous glorious news that is killing me, KILLING me to not be able to tell EVERYBODY. To the person that this secret is in relation to...you know who you are (we just confirmed id by the top secret virtual handshake) I love you, and I call first dibs.

Second...I don't know why this would be of any particular interest to anybody other than myself but I have heart burn. Concern. I don't get it very often. Observation- I think that one of the girls I work with is giving me an ulcer. Note to self, plan a office coup coordinated via the inter office mail system to remove her from her position and subsequently take it over.

Third...I don't know why but these are just two of the txt msg's i sent out today and in retrospect are note worthy.

"I failed to mention earlier this evening that while at work i accomplished a small miracle I made the perfect cup of ramen noodles using only a Styrofoam cup a microwave and my wits a feat that i hope i will be able to duplicate on a regular bases and until moments ago was unsurpassable, yes i say moments as i have discovered the perfect peanut butter to jelly ratio hereby creating the perfect Pb and j sandwich *insert look of humble assent* I know, i know. I am obviously outstanding"-from me to everybody in my phone book

"So..the Muslim courier is telling us about the time her husband paid a hooker in Manhattan 25 cents to stick his fingers in her front butt..and I've decided for my bday i want an Elvis impersonator/stripper"- sent to a select few people

I have quite the life.