I am not a romantic. Not in the sense that most people think of when they describe someone as such. I do not want a trail of rose petals strewn across the floor, leading the way to a candle lit bedroom. Somebody has to clean all that crap up. Romance to me is the practical things that show that my significant other is expressing an interest in my life, essentially that they are paying attention. Do a chore I hate, put brake pads on my car, rub my feet, and most importantly, it’s not how much you spent on the card, its what you took the time to write inside of it. My weakness, however, is flowers. Those I absolutely adore, other than that things of a practical nature appeal to me. However, there is one romantic notion that I cling to, with an almost reverent desperation, and that would be the idea of soul mates. Something I just so happened to have a conversation about this evening, at the gym of all places, (sigh…please see former blog).
The idea of soul mates is nothing new. Of all the descriptions and ideas though of what a soul mate actually is, I’ve always found something in Plato’s description that appealed to me the most. He describes in his Symposium how, originally men had four arms, legs and a head consisting of two faces. Zeus, fearing the men split them, and condemned them to wander the earth forever searching for their other half. Poignant no? I find it ironic that, even now, it is mostly fear that will divide two people, fear of making the wrong decision, of making the right one, of the unknown. And thus we search, for our other half, knowing that when our search is complete will have nothing to fear. But I digress.
My concept of soul mates, I’m sure, is unoriginal and most likely trite and clichéd. But, it gives me hope; personaly I don’t think that God has condemned us to life with the possibility of one chance. One chance of finding “true love”, one chance of being the world to someone, and vice versa. Nor do I think they are gender specific and limited to relationships of a romantic nature. In fact, I have 2 actively in my life right now…Allison and Kate. A friendship that as corny and hokey as it sounds transcends Mr. Webster’s definition. I can not imagine them not in my life, and I am a better person for knowing them. They enhance me, they bring out all the best qualities in me, put up with the worst and for that there is never a time that I hope that I can not share the best and worst aspects of my life with them. For the sake of this blog, I will mention I’m sure that once, a very long time ago I had in my life a soul mate in the truer sense of the word; though, it is not my wish to dwell to deeply on the memories, but let is suffice to say that the years I had him in my life where some of the best, and never, thus far, has anyone made me as happy, gotten me more completely or hurt me as deeply as he did. But, as is the nature of these things, he too was lost. And now I am alone. And waiting, for when the time is right with much hope and a careful eagerness of what the future will bring.
At the risk of sound narcissistic, I know that I am to outstanding of a woman and have to much to offer the right person to spend the rest of my life alone, because I’m lucky enough to have realized a while ago something that I wish more people would. That although I am convinced that there is a soul mate some where out there made just for me, someone that I am searching for, be it actively or no, I am someone’s soul mate too, that there is someone out there, searching for me…..and what a lucky bastard he will be.