Friday, June 19, 2009

Relationship Urban Legend #274 The One Who Got Away...

Probably isn’t coming back….

We all have one, that indefinable ONE that got away, slipped through the cracks, joined the peace corps, got married what have you. While in their presence, violins played, fireworks exploded every time you kissed (even in the day time), and every love making sessions was something out of a Daniel Steel novel. We knew, we just knew, that we had found our soul mate, and then for what ever reason they left. Poof. No longer part of your life, usually with out much of an explanation. But life goes on, you get married, divorced, become a lesbian and forget about that one person who got you so completely, that made you so happy that if you didn’t allow your self to become numb to it, the pain of not having them in your life would render you socially and emotionally crippled. And then it happens. Your having lunch with an old friend, or see someone at the your high school reunion and you get asked a very simple question, Hey, do you remember? Do you remember so and so who was dating that guy for like forever and we all thought they were going to get married, but he disappeared in a freak spelunking accident 2 weeks before graduation. Well she got married, had like four kids and then a couple of years ago got divorced. You’ll never guess who she ran into at Starbucks! Yes, him. Apparently they found his body and he was in a coma for 12 years and the only thing he had on him was her senior portrait picture, which they used to track down his next of kin but it took so long she had already went to college and they couldn’t find her. So he’s on his way to physical therapy and stopped by Starbucks to get a latte and rolled right into her with his wheel chair. There getting married in June.
Now you have hope.
So you start to think. You think maybe, just maybe….no you can’t even dare put it into words. You pour over old year books, pull out the super secret hope chest that’s hidden under a loose floor board in your bedroom where you keep every single piece of memorabilia from the time you spent together. You find him on myspace, or facebook, and then stalk his page religiously every Saturday night while drinking a bottle of Boonsfarm. You read his blogs and every vague reference he makes to some random girl you wonder if he’s talking about you. He looks sad in his wedding pictures, so he must be thinking about you, he wont look at his girlfriend in her birthday party pictures, so he’s probably remembering your birthday party when you guys did that wild and crazy thing. Then you call your very old and very dear friend who was witness to your entire relationship and have her analyze, hypothesize, and relive every moment you to spent together a half a dozen times…(ahh please accept this as my formal written apology…you know who you are). And then, out of the blue maybe you see him, or maybe you get a phone call. And it rocks you to your very core. And you think, maybe, maybe this one guy who got away, is going to come back.
But here’s the thing. Barring some unfortunate accident where he had amnesia for 10 years, he’s not. He’s not ever going to come back. There I said it. Let’s just take a moment and let the words sink in. Go ahead and breath into your brown paper bag (god knows I did when I realized this) get mad at me, hate me, cry do everything you need to do. But when your done, please come back and finish reading. Because I’m going to tell you why. Time lapse-twenty minutes. Welcome back, see it didn’t kill you, but I’m sure you have questions. And the answer to every single question you might have is very very simple. He knew, and it was still not enough. He knew that you loved him, no matter what the nature of your relationship was, friendship or actual relationship, he knew how you felt, decided he didn’t and then walked away. Harsh, yes, but it’s the truth. Men, as much as it pains me to say this, are not as moronic as we think. They are perceptive. And there is nothing in this world that hurts more than to know that the one person who you valued above all else, for whatever reason found you lacking and did not want to spend the rest of his life with you. But when you can remove the rose colored hind sight glasses, and look at the past realistically, there’s a couple of things you’ll probably realize. More than likely, it wasn’t as good as you think it was. You where probably young, and in love which means stupid. You more than likely put up with a lot of horse cockery that you’d never put up with now. You might see that he took advantage of how you felt about him, that he was selfish and couldn’t do the right thing and let YOU go, so you could move on. Or that maybe, he wasn’t even that great of a friend to begin with. When you’ve realized that he actually did you a favor by walking away, well…that’s something to get excited about. Because although he may have decided that you weren’t enough…of whatever he was looking for at the time, there is somebody out there who will. There is somebody out there that knows that you’re an outstanding super hottie who will make them the luckiest guy in the world.
You may be thinking, but Shannon, what about that girl in the beginning of your story, or my friends cousin’s father’s roommate who wound up with her “one that got away”. Who after all those years realized his mistake and now there living the happily ever after fantasy. It happens. And you can’t tell me otherwise. Yes, your right, it does happen, which is why we have this particular Relationship Urban Legend. But what your not realizing is this, that those men who show up after years of separation, never really left to begin with. Though they may have been separated by time, space, or a medical condition, deep down in their heart they where always there. So their not really coming back and starting over, their coming back to pick up where they left off. And that is a very big difference. The right man is going to come along. The right man will never ever, choose his girlfriend over his best friend because the girl friend looks better, he will never pick his career over his wife (if it means him leaving her permanently), the right man will stop at nothing, move heaven and hell to get to you and stay with you. Becase the right man, will know how outstanding you really are, know that no one else will ever be able to compare, and ultimatly....the right man would never have left to begin with.

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