The Sex Strike

Sex is everywhere. In our magazines, the TV., the movies we watch, the parking lot at Wal-Mart and if your single, sex can be readily available as chewing gum or as illusive as the Holy Grail. For me, sex is in my nightstand drawer, next to the batteries and a bottle of lube. In the spirit of my new found single status and just putting things out there, I have not had sex in six and half months. Yes…I said it, out loud, and in cyber land. If you’re optimistic this is called chosen celibacy, if you’re a realist its called a dry spell. I can tell you, while the Sahara dessert might look pretty in the National Geographic magazines, you don’t want to live there. So call me a realist.
After much pissing and moaning with my two best girl friends, a Sex and the City marathon and a hole bag of chocolate covered peanuts I have come to the decision that I need to be more proactive in this sexless state I have suddenly found myself in. Instead of just letting this not having sex…thing….happen to me, I have decided to take control of the situation. No, I’m not claiming celibacy, nor am I residing myself to settling in and just waiting out the dry spell praying to God that monsoon season will start soon. No, I am going on strike (Allison grab the coffee pot). A sex strike, that is.
I vow, here and now, in front of God, and all three people who read my blogs, that I am striking until my conditions have been met, or at the very least improve. And those would be the following: Condition # 1: A permanent position- those content with a temp/seasonal position, that’s fine, but please understand that benefits are not available . Condition # 2: Full time hours- I am very well aware that a part time position can turn into a permanent full time one, but until your logging in those full time hours your only eligible for part time benefits I.e. second base. Condition # 3- 90 day evaluation and job performance- just because someone can hold down a full time job doesn’t necessarily mean that they should. If I’m not happy with productivity, attendance, and performance, then its back to the unemployment line, or as most know it, happy hour at your local bar.
Those are my conditions. And I dare you to cross the picket line, you’ll be met with barbs, sarcasm and for those who are persistent, pepper spray. In the meantime I am continuing to accept applications and will be working on a solidarity theme song.