Friday, June 19, 2009

Relationship Urban Legend #32

Relationship Urban Legend # 32

Prince Charming will rescue the damsel in distress…As long as her credit score is over 700.

Once upon a time, it was 3 am and a very tired, young, strikingly beautiful woman was waiting tables in a half empty truck stop. As she was refilling Mr. Charming’s coffee cup (Mr. C is incredibly good looking, tall, no children, never been married, obviously financially stable, emotionally available, educated, disease free, has a sense of humor and is endowed with a large penis. His limo blew a tire and he was waiting for it to be patched before moving on to the airport where his private jet was waiting to take him to Aspen) Mr. C was taking in her exceptional beauty and wondered to himself what she was doing working in a place like this. She looked over her shoulder with concern towards the kitchen where the cook was teaching her three young children how to read and wondered if he will leave enough of a tip so she can buy the kids’ breakfast, especially little Jonny, who although crippled with MS and is slightly autistic, never complains. As she fills his coffee cup, they make small talk and soon realize that although they come from two different worlds, they have everything in common and fall madly in love with each other. As his limo driver walks through the door to tell him they are ready to go, Mr. C decides then and there that he has to marry this women and spend the rest of his life making her happy. He whisks her and the 3 small children up in his arms (his driver gets Jonny’s wheelchair) and they are off to his plane to Aspen to get married. They live happily ever after. The End.

There are two things that one might deduce from this scenario. First, it is the basic plot foundation to every Lifetime movie…ever, and second, it’s complete and utter horse cockery, mostly because the man in the story doesn’t exist (obviously a work of fiction, what man has a large penis and is emotionally available?)But basically it’s because men don’t want to date/marry women who don’t have their shit together. And honestly, can you blame them?

I’ve noticed that most women have standards but they are usually regarding the living situation, the car the man drives, or his employment history, not necessarily how she expects to be treated in a relationship. Yet I notice a distinctive trend in the over reaction if the man in the relationship has certain financial or educational expectations as well. It is apparently too much for them to ask that we be able to balance a check book, pay our bills, and read above a fifth grade level. How dare they? Essentially this belief that there is a knight in a shiny 401k that is coming to scoop us up, whisk us away to his townhouse in a suburb of D.C., and live happily ever after is the result of a false sense of entitlement and accountability issues. Not to mention the myth that Prince Charming is somewhere out there is perpetuated along because we all know somebody who knew somebody that this happened to. And for the most part, it probably did. However for most people, they will never be able to see past the man that saved the woman, and wonder why or how. All they will ever be able to see is the saving.

I have only ever known one person that lived this particular urban myth. She was the twin sister of a friend of my mothers. She had a child with disabilities, worked 2 jobs, struggled to make ends meet for a very long time, and then one day met the man of her dreams. He took care of her, and unfortunately when he died, he left her in a financial position so that she would never have to worry about work again. But like I said, most women never see anything past the man of her dreams sentence. We tend to forget that life requires us to pay certain dues. This particular woman struggled for a very long time before she got what she deserved. And essentially, I think that is what this relationship urban legend is all about - that people get what they deserve.

The common theme seems to be that men, nowadays, want an activity partner who has a job, a vehicle and some small amount of education. Basically, they want a women who has her shit together. Because the woman who does is a strong independent super hottie (kind of like the person reading this), who in the very act of knowing she can take care of herself financially (she’s not scared to work two jobs, tighten the belt straps or live off ramen noodles when times get hard) oozes a type of self- confidences that is more potent than Spanish fly. It tells the man in her life that she doesn’t need to be taken care of and thusly will make the man much more likely to want to do it. And that desire to want to be there for each other, whether it’s emotionally or financially, is a core in the foundation to any good relationship.

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