He's Just Not That Into You

About a month or so ago, while freshly new to the dating scene, this book was recommended to me by a very dear friend. After reading it, in one sitting, I had an awakaning. It revolutionized me, it inspired me, it did all the things that a great idea will do. Virtually, it changed my dating life forever. Well…for the most part. I tried to let it change my dating life, and I think that save for the Great Dating Debacle of 2009 instance with Mr. Manic Depressive, if it’s not directly impacting how I date, it’s at the very least helping me get over who I date. The book is brilliant, because it’s honest. It’s honest and it’s practical in a way that most people choose not to be. And because it’s so honest and practical it’s also a threat to single women every where. The philosophy of the book is really quite simple. If a guy is not calling you, he’s not into you. If he’s not asking you out on another date, he’s not into you. If a guy is cheating on you, (big surprise) he just not that into you. It goes on and on to describe every scenario that we women come up with to justify why the guy we are dating isn’t calling, or asking us to get married or is sleeping with his secretary instead of his girlfriend, namely it calls the bullshit flag for all the times we women excuse men for acting like douche bags. It simply explains that most women are the rule, not the exception. So, you could see why this would be so threatening. Women need hope, (as I established in a previous blog). We need deep down on some primordial level to hope that there really is a knight in shining armor or a Prince Charming, and he must have a very very good reason as to why he’s not calling. Because this book was so brilliantly practical in it’s approach to dating, I was quite obviously thrilled when the movie was released.
I fully expected to go to the movie and be recharged, with the same since of confidence and prowess that I felt after reading the book. To say I was not, would be an understatement. I was devastated. I cried, right in the middle of the movie theater at the end. I cried, because the two main characters that we are supposed to be secretly rooting for all along wound up together, because the guy who wouldn’t marry his girlfriend of seven years finally proposed, I cried because the girl who kept having trivial online romances finally met her prince charming in real life. I cried because I was so frustrated, angry even. It was yet another chick flick with a happy ending. I didn’t want to see the happy ending. I wanted to see a movie about real situations that play out like how they do in real life. Where people get divorced, where the guy doesn’t call back, where you leave the ass who’s been stringing you along the whole time and you don’t round a corner and meet your soul mate. I wanted to see all that, and then see that it’s ok. Because, it is.
I will probably have my woman card pulled for the statements I’m getting ready to make, and I’m ok with that (thank god I’m sill a member of the total bad ass club) but if you know me at all, you know that if nothing else, I am honest. So honestly, here it goes: It’s ok if I get rejected, it’s natural and it’s part of life. It’s not going to kill me. If I meet a guy and he doesn’t call me or doesn’t want to go out with me again, that’s ok. It does not meant that he can’t handle how outstanding I am, that I intimidate him, or that he just got out of serious relationship. It means he’s just not that into me. And I can’t stress this enough, not every guy I met has to like me for me to feel good about myself, that if he doesn’t it does not mean he was a douche bag or I was to good for him.(Breath Allison) Nor do I have to like every guy I met. It’s more than ok that I’m not going to drive by some guys house or Google earth him to see if he’s home. It’s ok that I’m single. It’s ok that I don’t have to like it. It’s ok that I’m not making excuse’s for some guy who is rude, insensitive, or just a plain douche bag because I‘m scared of being alone. It’s ok that I have standards, expectations and yes, still hope. And it’s ok that I might be single for a very long time.
Deep down, I don’t believe that we are meant to be alone. I believe that there are people that God has in mind for us. This is where my hope comes in. However, it’s what we as women do in the meantime that will affect what happens when or if we finally do meet Mr. Right. In the meantime, have standards. Have realistic expectations. Know yourself. Know how truly outstanding you are. Know that you are a sexy, intelligent, passionate woman, know that you are a catch. By god, I do. I know that whatever man is able to catch me is going to be the luckiest man in the world, and a lot of people will probably feel sorry for him. I’m a handful. But I know that I’m a handful in a good way. And for all the one’s who didn’t…well you dodged quite a bullet. It’s a good thing then, that you just weren’t that into me.