Who's Coming for Dinner?

Every now and then I’ll take a bit out of my saving and shop at Wegmans. I absolutely adore grocery shopping. I’ve always liked it. Particularly the produce section; I like to see all of the apples and oranges, grapes, tomatoes, heads of lettuce ext lying out under the lights. They are fresh and green, and sometimes if I time it right, I can watch the sprinklers mist the fruit. Yeah…I know I know. Anyways, I was shopping with a purpose tonight. Tonight I was having a dinner party. I invited a work friend and her husband over for dinner, a glass of wine and hopefully a good time. They canceled. No babysitter. So I decided to have the dinner party anyways. I had picked the perfect recipe-spegattie with a cream tomato sauce. I also splurged and bought a six pack of Woodchuck (which is being consumed as we speak) and a very small wedge of brie with toast points. Swanky I know.
I stood in my kitchen in my underwear…rather my boxers, a tank top and my slippers the bff gave me 2 years ago for Christmas(something I would have been unable to do if the friend had been over), my cheese and toast points on a plate, a glass of wine sitting on the counter and Elvis singing to me from my record player. I watched as the onions I was sautéing in melted butter started to turn translucent in the pan and added the garlic at just the right time. The spaghetti was boiling away on the back burner as I deftly crushed up some basil leaves with the back of a spoon and opened 2 cans of tomatos. I added pepperoni chopped up in bite size pieces and smiled as I watched the pieces sizzle in the butter…the aroma, oh god. How to describe it with mere words. The smell of butter, onion and garlic mingled with the pepperoni and I wafted the smell up to my nose. I shifted anxiously from foot to foot as I waited to add the basil and the tomatos. A sip of wine, a couple of cheese crackers and it was time. I added the tomatos, stirred in the basil and when it was warm all the way through I added the cream. My favorite part. I love watching the cream mix with the red of the tomato’s as I stir, making a creamy pink mix.
I stirred and stirred, anxious to taste and I shivered visibly with pleasure as I dipped my spoon into the delectable mixture. Into my mouth it went, and I relished the taste of the creamy mix, the subtle hint of the basil and garlic, the pepperoni heavy and rich and …I moaned. Audibly. Snapping myself out of ..whatever it was that I was in. I added the spaghetti, aldente, perfect to the pan and stirred letting it absorb the mix and again I shifted anxiously from foot to foot as I waited. I was excited. Ten minutes and fresh glass of wine later I plated my meal. The steaming pile of noodles, covered in the tomato mix, green specks of basil and a light dusting of grated parmigiano cheese looked incredible as I sat at my dining room table. With fork in hand, I took a deep breath, inhaling the aroma and inserted the fork smoothly into the middle of the plate. Swirl, swirl twist and lift. My mouth closed as I drew the fork out slowly, eyes closed savoring the first bite. Delicious. And again I made a slight moan in the back of my throat. And then…then I choked.
The deliciousness of my dish wasn’t the only thing that came over me. I choked as the sudden realization of what I was doing rolled over me causing a mighty laugh unfortunately at the same time I was swallowing. I was having sex. With my food. I sat there, coughing and laughing and for just one second my face turned red with embarrassment. But naturally, me being me, I got over it quickly and thought to myself why the hell not? It’s been a while, and..ahem I am a good cook. So I went back to my plate and can only say that 30 minutes later I left the dining table an incredible satisfied woman.
Tomorrow…tomorrow I’m making roasted chicken slathered in melted butter and rosemary, stuffed with lemons alongside crispy asparagus spears and steamed red potatoes covered in parsley and butter. Dessert will be chocolate mousse with homemade whipped cream and fresh strawberries. Mmmmm God, I can’t wait…who’s coming for dinner?

A Dramatic Reading

She stands on a dimly lit stage; a single spot light shines down isolating her. Dramatic percussion thumps quietly in the background mimicking a beating heart. It builds in crescendo. She is nervous, so she fidgets as she steps up to the mike…thump……..Thump……..THUMP. And the drums stop,

Tap tap tap, on the mic

She clears her throat and speaks softly into the mic…A Melodramatic Emo poem about why I can’t sleep, by Shannon Nguyen.

With a deep breath she begins:

During the day,
When I force my smile to reach my eyes,
I laugh, I joke, I play,
I say a 1000 times I’m fine.

But in the dead of night,
When my empty bed has never sounded more alone,
I cry, I pray, I wish,
My mind is free to roam.

And in the waking hours,
When it’s darkest before the light,
I wait for the day to whisper,
Everything will be alright.

Thank you…she says to the thunderous applause. Thank you.

She exits stage left.

Random Txt of the week

To my friend Robin:
“I’m about 2 sec away from answering an ad on Craigs list for a man who’s headline reads I want to eat your asshole”
Followed immediately by
“ or I could go to Ihop. Either way somebody is eating something tonight.”


I need to stop drinking.

One Glass Flute.

One Glass Flute.

New year’s eve, after getting off work I went to my local Wegmans to purchase some holiday party necessities. I had big plans for myself on new year’s. Anyone who knows me knows that New Years is my favorite holiday. I enjoy it more than Christmas. I also get really excited. It is the one time of year that literally in a minute hope becomes almost tangible. As the ball drops and a new year is ushered in, one knows anything can happen. The anticipation of future is so thick you are able to reach out and touch it. I firmly believe that what you are doing when the ball drop will set the tone for the upcoming year. I was thinking about that as I mulled over my evening plans while shopping. Last year I went downtown,by myself. It was very important for me to go and do New Year’s by myself. I had only been separated for a couple of months and I wanted to set the right tone for 2009. Strong, independent and self reliant; as luck would have it, I met someone that night and we watched the ball drop together. He was crazy, but I didn’t know that at the time. While in the produce department, looking for the perfect head of cabbage I had a realization if you will. I put 2 and 2 together. All last year I dated. Save for a couple of months that I took off from exhaustion, I dated. 15 men to be exact. And they were all crazy. Coincidence…I think not.
Without realizing it, this year was going to be different. I didn’t get my ticket to go downtown, and decided to stay at home. I purchased the supplies for the traditional new years day dinner, you know, pork chops, black eyed peas and cabbage. For health, wealth and good luck. I also bought some other small groceries, milk, bread, ext…a cheap bottle of champagne and strawberries. I don’t even like strawberries but I’ve ever since I saw Pretty Woman and Richard Gere is like have a strawberry I’ve always wanted to try it. Why not on New Years? As I was leaving, feeling quite happy with myself (everyone knows how much I LOVE grocery shopping, honestly my spirits really did lift when I was in the produce section, shocking revelation aside) when I realized I didn’t have a champagne flute. There was no way in hell I was going to drink champagne out of a wine glass or worse a coffee cup. So I bought one. Just one. I didn’t think anything about it until I got to the check out.
I put all my groceries on the thingy with the champagne flute last. There it sat. Upright, sparkling, well as much as unbreakable plastic can, amidst a bottle of cheap champagne, milk and strawberries. By all accounts I could have been going home to have a romantic evening with my significant partner, which is probably what the cashier though until she came to the flute. “Just the one huh?” she asked. “Yeah,” I replied, and I felt my face blush…”yeah. Just the one.” Until that moment it has never bothered me when I do things alone that are normally done in pairs. I go to movies, out to dinner ext…and I have never felt embarrassment. As I watched her scan that one champagne flute I almost wanted to cry. I didn’t. Not until later.
Later came at 11:59 pm… as I sat on my couch, watching Time Square on my computer, halfway into the bottle of champagne, all most all the strawberries gone and my little horn I took home from work. In the final minutes of 2009 I prayed. I thanked God for all his blessing on me in the past year, I prayed that he continue to bless me, my family and friends, and then I counted down. 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2, and its Happy New Year!! I polished off my glass of champagne, blew my little horn that had been squished previously from my purse, muted my computer and played Auld Lang Syne that I had on standby (thank you Iphone). I listened to the words as I watched couple after couple embrace, and kiss as confetti flittered down, and then…then I cried. I cried because I really do believe what you do at midnight sets the tone for the rest of the year, I cried because I thought of my realization about last year and what that meant for this one. I cried as I looked at the remnants of my party on my coffee table…strawberry tops, my horn, bits and pieces of cork because of course I broke it and my wine opener when I tried to open the bottle. I cried for all the frustration and hardships I had gone through the past year to sit where I sat then (and now as I write this). I cried for the two times my heart got broken last year from the one people knew about…and the one they didn’t. I cried because I was alone. And then I stopped. I could do alone.
I have been doing alone for a very long time. Since I was 10 and took care of my little brother so my mother could work. I did alone in my room every time my stepfather got drunk and went to beat my mother. I did alone when I was 16 and my father sat me down at our kitchen table and explained to me that I was an adult and he trusted me to take care of myself and the house, to go to school and to pay the bills while he worked. I didn’t see him again for almost a month. I did alone the night Justin died and I sat in my bathroom washing his blood off my body. I did alone in my first apartment when I worked 2 jobs just to pay the rent. I did alone the day my husband left.
I sat there, on my couch, toying with that one champagne flute and thought to myself, I can do this. I can be alone. Because I know how outstanding I am, how strong I am and how very very much I have overcome, and that matters. It matters very much. Even if the only person who knows it is me...and me alone.

She's Back.

Well it's been a long time. I know, it's ok I'm here now. Though I've prob lost most of my "fans" hopefully it will only take one or two well written and as always witty blogs to bring them back. Unfortunately for the past several months I have been unable to blog, primarily because every free moment was doing school work, and since the random and ridiculous things only happen in my free moments,I'm sure you know where I'm going with this. I'm going to be working on a new installment to my relationship urban legends series, that went over well on my myspace and its something I enjoy writing about. So look for it soon!!!

Lock and Load

OK. So here's the most recent Eng essay. Hope everyone enjoys...and shout out to Kate for all her help during the rewrite !!!


Shannon Hayes
R. Hanoka
Eng 112/12
18 September 2009


Lock and Load: Second Amendment Rights to the Constitution

“A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.” (United States Constitution: Bill of Rights) This is probably the most quoted and misquoted line in the United State Constitution, second only to the First Amendment. These words are etched in stone on the headquarters of the National Rifle Association and in the hearts of the American people. The statement gives freedom but comes with restrictions. For example, guns are not allowed to be carried on federal or school property. In addition, one must have a permit to carry a concealed weapon in Virginia, or to carry at all in some states. There exists a laundry list of restrictions and requirements allowing and barring the average John Q. Public from possessing a firearm. However, because of the ambiguous nature of our country’s constitution and recent events such as the Columbine and Virginia Tech shootings, it stands to reason that the American public would clutch even more tightly to whatever will give them the right to defend themselves and their loved ones. Because of said nature, the Amendment allows for a much heated debate. It poses the question: are student’s constitutional rights being violated by banning the possession of firearms on campus if they feel the need for self-protection? To answer this question one would have to accept two very specific ideologies as fact; namely, that the Second Amendment does in fact give citizens the right to bear arms and that the right is subjected to limitation (i.e. only in the defense for the state or one’s self while engaged in any action that would be in direct assistance to the nation). For the sake of this discussion, both assumptions are accepted. Therefore, it is a direct violation of the Second Amendment to deny any person, student or otherwise, the right to have access to a firearm in the case where there is an apparent and legitimate threat to the security of a person’s life by way of oppression of the liberties guaranteed to them by the United States Constitution.
Regardless of whether one is in agreement or not with the private possession of firearms there is one aspect of this that is not open for debate. The Constitution does make some guarantees, and states specifically that the American people have the right to “keep and bear arms.” Thomas Jefferson may have deemed that “…all men are created equal” (Declaration of Independence) it does not mean that they were all born with the knowledge of how to use a firearm and the maturity to handle one. This is why there exist so many restrictions upon this particular civil right. The fact that the U.S. Constitution gives us the ability to defend ourselves is just one small aspect of what makes America a nation of freedom and opportunity. Rather it is the applicable times and places of the amendment that cause such discord among the public, not the motives of individuals or the individuals themselves.
The right of the state to be able to form a militia and defend itself is perhaps one of the greatest liberties that our Founding Fathers gave to us while crafting the Constitution of our government. It is one that sets us apart from almost every other nation on earth. Yet the awkward verbiage gives us the sword to defend ourselves while cutting the very hand that wields it. Often we find that some will take advantage of that murky wording to suit their own needs, or worse, to justify actions bred from fear and ignorance. Thus, the argument that a student should be allowed to carry a firearm on campus if he or she is in fear for his or her life is just one of the many questions this debate raises, yet there are additional issues that should be addressed before discussing the assumed violation of civil rights. Just what exactly is the student in fear of? Is it another student or is he afraid that his school and consequently his life will be over thrown by terrorists? Why hasn’t the school stepped in to intervene on behalf of this student? Frankly, unless the student is an active and on duty member of law enforcement, military police, or perhaps a Minuteman left over from the American Revolutionary War, there is absolutely no need for students to carry a weapon on campus and by allowing it, it is no longer fulfilling a civil right unless said student is defending himself against tyrannical opposition and oppression. Consenting to anything less is gratuitous, and by doing so, it cuts into the authority and validity with which officers of the law are bestowed based upon the United States Constitution, the states' Bill of Rights, and the consent of the people of our nation. Ironically, it is the government’s attempt to compromise on the original intent of the amendment written by the Founding Fathers that causes a row to begin with. However, by denying the student all accessibility to a weapon should the need arise the school would be in direct violation of the Constitution. Perhaps a better solution would be to keep in place the strict policies regarding carrying a weapon on one’s person and redefining the accessibility of a weapon to a citizen in a public or federal venue at times of crisis.
Each state called for a ratification of the Constitution, not surprisingly, resulting in the crafting of the Bill of Rights and giving us the oh-so-vague Second Amendment. Both Virginia and North Carolina asked, “that the people have the right to keep and bear arms; that a well regulated militia composed of the body of the people trained to arms is the proper, natural and safe defense of a free state."(The Right to Keep and Bear Arms) The Virginia Bill of rights goes on to say, “That a well regulated militia, composed of the body of the people, trained to arms, is the proper, natural, and safe defense of a free state; that standing armies, in time of peace, should be avoided, as dangerous to liberty; and that, in all cases, the military should be under strict subordination to, and governed by, the civil power.”( 42-Virginia Bill of Rights) One will notice that with each mention of the people’s right it is yoked to the necessity of a militia. There is no free standing clause or amendment stating that the people have the right to possess weapons merely for the sake of owning them.
The right that the Second Amendment gives citizens to keep and bear arms is part of the foundation that sets Americans apart from the rest of the world. Our Constitution not only gives us the right to defend ourselves, but the responsibility to pick up those arms in the face of tyranny and oppression; oppression of ourselves and of others and to overthrow it if need be. This constitutional amendment built a nation of people that possess a unique sense of justice, safety, and independence. It offers security in knowing that no matter where we are, be it work, home, or even school should the need arise we are able to rally and defend ourselves, not remain helpless in the face of oppression but be a nation of action against it.
Word Count: 1,328
Hatch, Orrin G. Senator. The Right to Keep and Bear Arms. Washington 1982. Retrieved 17 September 2009. http://www.constitution.org/mil/rkba1982.htm#42

Hatch, Orrin G. Senator. The Right to Keep and Bear Arms. Washington 1982. 42. Id. At 1030 Retrieved 17 September 2009. http://www.constitution.org/mil/rkba1982.htm#42

Untied States Constitution: Bill of Rights. September 17, 1787. Retrieved 17 September 2009. http://avalon.law.yale.edu/18th_century/rights1.asp#2

Virginia Bill of Rights. June 12, 1776. Retrieved 17 September 2009. http://www.constitution.org/bor/vir_bor.htm

Jefferson, Thomas. Declaration of Independence. June 28, 1776. Retrieved 17 September 2009. http://www.archives.gov/exhibits/charters/declaration_transcript.html

No time.

Ok So I have no time, I'm supposed to be working on a 5 page paper for Eng due on Sunday, studying for a biology test on Sat, reading chapter 5 in my hippy-how-to be happy book, Chapter 6 in Psych class and working on my behavior modification project. I've decided I'm not going to be able to blog other than to put up my Eng essays I'm writing which ironically the first one was based off a blog i wrote. Hmm I wonder, if I can use myself as a source for any future papers. Lmao, I'll just have to remember to cite myself accurately in the body of my text.

Any ways, here ya go:

Stupidity Should be Painful

After working with the public for several years I have come to three conclusions: First stupidity should be painful, second there needs to be an amendment to the constitution stating this, and thirdly, if it did in fact cause physical pain to one’s person then eventually people would stop being stupid. Though I am loathe to ask for yet another committee to be spear headed by our federal government, I feel that in this particular instance (mostly for the funding) that a committee of intellectuals and the like should come together so that there is some type of supervision over the actual implication of the Stupidity Should be Painful Program. Each person would go to a local testing facility and submit to various tests to check their level of stupidity. If found that they are only moderately stupid, i.e. prone to ridiculous or asinine behavior in small isolated instances then they can be monitored by remote access through one of the many Remote Viewing Centers that will be put in place. Monitored and equipped with a small device that must be worn on their person at all times, they would receive an electric shock when they engage in any behavior that the committee has deemed stupid. These Remote Viewing Centers would serve a dual purpose, acting as both a monitor and call center, giving a civilian the constitutional right to call in if they in fact witness a person committing a potential stupidity violation. At which time, a formal investigation would commence and if the person was indeed found guilty of being stupid, the penalty would be delivered quickly and harshly, after first making the person watch a dramatization of their violation so that they understand exactly why they are being punished.

If, however, a person was found to test positive for chronic stupidity, steps would be taken to reduce the impact that they would have on society and other non-stupid people in general. At this level of stupidity it would be fairly safe to assume that they would need almost constant supervision such as, a personal Stupidity Monitor. Someone who would follow them around so that when an act of stupidity is occurring the Monitor would simply hit them with the approved punishment device (possibly a cane or a 2x4) thusly creating the desired Pavlovian response. Furthermore, their driving licenses would be revoked (as this seems to be the time when most people become stupid), their license to breed would be suspended, they would be required/forced to attend weekly re-education camps and counseling, and their family and loved ones would be given access to pamphlets on coping with a chronically stupid person as well as the choice to meet with a weekly support group. It is my belief that if these steps were to be taken, we might one day live in a world where bad driving, reality TV. , and Scientology were things of the past, and stupidity, which is already painful for everyone else, will finally start affecting the people that it should.